[weller]

I'm not a Bill Gates - i'm techsupport.

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20 Things I Learned From Tech Support

# As long as the world turns, users will still have problems

# Substance abusers (наркоманы) and computer operators are the only folks called users. This isn't by chance

# When in doubt. Reboot

# Sooner or later you will meet a person who types out the words "backslash" or forgets to plug in the power cord. If you haven't yet, just wait, you will

# Fear the phone. No one just calls tech support to wish you good morning

# No user will tell you the whole truth at the beginning of a call

# "I didn't do anything" or "It just happened" Are the users mantra

# As a support tech, it is your job to break down resistance and get the truth

# This is so you can rub the lie in their face, fixing the issue is just a perk

# Some people will never learn

# This means you will always have a job

# Maintain a calm voice, even if you're screaming on the inside

# The hold button is your friend

# Whatever you do, don't panic

# The answer to all users questions should be "Trust me, I know what I'm doing" even if this is a bald-faced lie

# Users can smell fear. Once you've lost control, all is lost

# A user who is not listening to you anymore, but rather is trying "their own thing" is not worth your time. Simulate a telephone disconnect and hang up. Trust me, you're better off.

# Sometimes fixing a computer is easier than figuring out why it was broken

# Users always want a reason things are fixed. If you're not sure just lie. They won't know anyway. "A stray electron passed through the processor and caused..."

# If possible ask to speak to the youngest person present